By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Throughout June 2011, we’ll be working on the concept of “integrity” as part of our Powerful Words character development curriculum.

All our discussions and activities will aim to help our students understand what it means to be true to oneself, one’s values and principles, one’s word, and one’s standards and beliefs.

This month’s “Dear Dr. Robyn” column is all about teaching our children about integrity.

Dr. Robyn Silverman is the child development expert who created Powerful Words, our character development curriculum here at Urban Martial Arts.

Dear Dr. Robyn,
I want to make sure my daughter doesn’t lose herself as she gets older. As a teacher and parent, I see many kids succumb to peer pressure and go along with what their friends say and do. How can I ensure that my child stays true to herself when her friends are doing something that she doesn’t want to do?
—Dane T, St. Louis, MO

Dear Dane,
You sound like a parent who clearly wants to raise a leader with integrity; someone who is true to herself, her values, and her word.

It can be challenging to remain authentic in a world that often seems to celebrate the “unreal” as witnessed in commonplace photoshopping, gratuitous plastic surgery, and “Reality” TV. But that certainly doesn’t mean it’s not possible.

To build integrity in your children, teach them how to:

Be assertive: Teach them to speak up for what they believe and need. Being assertive allows them to honor their choices and their values.

Listen to their gut: If they believe that something feels right, teach them to move forward. If they believe that something feels wrong, teach them to pause, take a step back, and reevaluate their next steps.

Put themselves in other people’s shoes: Integrity takes empathy for others. It signals the voice inside one’s head that it’s vital to keep one’s word and follow through with one’s commitments. In other words, help them to see that other people are counting on them!

Live life according to their inner truth and values: As author, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, once wrote; “If you live your life trying to please others, half the people will like you and half won’t. And if you live your life according to your own truth, half the people will like you and half won’t.” The underlying question to ask is—which half do you want as friends—those who like you for who you actually are or the person you are pretending to be?

Identify and express emotion: Our emotions are part of who we are. Some choose to squelch them, some lie about them, and still others feel confused by them. When people are able to identify and express their emotions, they have what is called “emotional intelligence.” By understanding and honoring their emotions, they stay true to themselves.

Of course, the best thing you can do to help your children stay true to themselves and their word, is to be a role model of integrity yourself.

Here’s to your success!

~by Dr. Robyn Silverman

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Throughout June 2011, we’ll be working on the concept of “integrity” as part of our Powerful Words character development curriculum.

All our discussions and activities will aim to help our students understand what it means to be true to oneself, one’s values and principles, one’s word, and one’s standards and beliefs.

In this video, Dr. Robyn Silverman, creator of Powerful Words, gives advice to a parent who just caught their 6-year-old son telling his first lie:

We want our children to do what is right and honest, not what is easiest and fastest. But we can’t always be there at their side, so how can we help our children make the right choices even when we’re not around?

Dr. Robyn recommends teaching your children to ask themselves the following 6 powerful questions.

1. What is the voice inside my gut telling me to do?
Our bodies often tell us what our mind is trying to disguise. Next time your child chooses right over wrong, ask them what made them go with that decision?

2. Could I look my parents/teacher/friend in the eye after I do this?
If they can’t look someone in the eye, they’re on the verge of making a poor choice.

3. Could I look at myself in the mirror after I do this?
If they can’t look at their own reflection in the mirror and feel proud, they should take it as a warning that they might be doing something they’ll come to regret.

4. Would I do this whether someone was watching me or not?
The definition of integrity is choosing to do the right thing, whether eyes are on us or not.

5. Does the end justify the means?
Getting an A on a test is good, but not if it happens because of cheating. Kids need to understand they should choose what’s right over what’s best.

6. Am I being who I am, or am I being who others want me to be?
Not being ourself does a disservice not only to us, but to others. When we don’t allow others to get to know the real individual we are, we’re building friendships based on a lie. Ask your child, do you want people to like you for who you are? Or for who you’re pretending to be?

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Throughout June 2011, we’ll be working on the concept of “integrity” as part of our Powerful Words character development curriculum.

All our discussions and activities will aim to help our students understand what it means to be true to oneself, one’s values and principles, one’s word, and one’s standards and beliefs.

To inspire your own discussions at home, here are five of our all-time favorite quotes on integrity:

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”
—W. Clement Stone

“Integrity is the essence of everything successful.”
—Richard Buckminster Fuller

“Character and integrity are inextricably intertwined. Character reflects a personal set of values. Integrity is the grit to uphold them.”
—Dr. Robyn Silverman

“Integrity can be neither lost nor concealed nor faked nor quenched nor artificially come by nor outlived, nor, I believe, in the long run, denied”
—Eudora Welty

“No one will question your integrity if your integrity is not questionable.”
—Nathaniel Bronner Jr.

To give you more ideas for conversation topics, here’s a run-down of what we’ll be discussing this month:

Week 1 – Integrity Defines: Right vs. wrong, truth vs. lies, and our strongest values.
Week 2 – Keeping Our Word: Making promises, breaking promises, and consequences.
Week 3 – Bring Our Authentic Selves: How to honor our choices even when not popular.
Week 4 – Leading with Integrity: Walking in other’s shoes & standing on our own feet.

There’s no better way to drive home the lessons we teach at Urban Martial Arts than by reinforcing them… well, at home!

We’d love to hear how your conversations go with your child so do share with us!