By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Enrolling a child in a martial arts program is one of the best actions a parent can take to prevent bullying.

Why? Because martial arts can help children on both sides of the bullying equation.

By providing benefits such as confidence, discipline, respect, self-control, leadership, stress relief, and self-defense; martial arts helps both the children who are being bullied, and the children who are bullying others. Here’s how:

How Building Up Confidence Can Stop Bullying

For Bullies: As we discussed in our post exploring the reasons why people bully, bullies often enjoy status and prestige because others fear them. They also command a lot of attention for their behavior. Martial arts helps prevent bullying by building up these children’s confidence in other arenas, so that they won’t need to resort to bullying for attention or approval.

For Kids Who Are Bullied: Bullies pick victims that they think will be easy targets. What makes an easy target? A child who seems weak, unsure of herself, or easily scared. Martial arts helps stop bullying by building up children’s confidence so that they are able to project an aura of strength and ensure that they are not perceived as easy targets.

How Reinforcing Discipline Can Prevent Bullying

For Bullies: As we discussed in our post that explored the question “why do people bully others?” — one of the factors that contributes to bullying behavior is an inconsistent approach to discipline at home. Martial arts helps prevent bullying by providing children with a clear-cut and consistent structure of discipline that helps them learn which types of behavior are acceptable and which are not.

For Kids Who Are Bullied: Victims of bullying can sometimes make things worse for themselves by acting in ways that make it easy for others to taunt or threaten them. Martial arts helps stop bullying by teaching these children the discipline to manage their own behavior in such a way that it does not in any provoke or trigger a bully.

How Increasing Respect Can Stop Bullying

For Bullies: Bullies have a strong need to be in control and exert their dominance over others. That’s one of the reasons why they bully others. Martial arts helps prevent bullying by showing these children that everyone deserves respect, and that no one deserves to be mistreated. Read the full article →

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Most parents probably spend more time worrying about their child getting bullied than about their child being a bully.

As a result, when they find out their child is bullying others, it takes them by surprise and they don’t quite know how to handle it.

Here’s a guide for parents who find themselves in this position. There are 5 strategies you can use to handle the situation:

1. Don’t slide into denial or defensiveness

No parent likes to hear negative things about their child. So it’s understandable if your gut reaction is to defend your child against bullying accusations or deny that your child did anything wrong.

But before you jump to conclusions about what did or didn’t happen, it’s important to keep your mind open to the possibility that your child did bully someone else.

2. Listen closely and play detective

Think of yourself as being on a fact-finding mission. You want to find out what, if anything, triggered the behavior in your child, what exactly your child did or said , how the other kid responded, how your child reacted to the other kid’s response, who else was there to witness the event, how they reacted, and so on.

If this step sounds familiar, it’s because it’s the same strategy we recommend for parents of a child who are being bullied.

You want to understand the perspective of everyone involved, especially your child. If you can find out what triggered the behavior, that doesn’t excuse your child, but at least you can discover some root causes and get closer to a solution. Read the full article →

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Whether your child has told you he’s being bullied, or whether you simply suspect this may be the case, it’s important to be clear with yourself how you’re going to handle the situation.

Why? Because the worst thing you can do is to give your child mixed messages. For example, you don’t want to tell your child to walk away from the bully, then turn around and say, “Actually, next time you should fight back.”

Here are 7 steps you can take to formulate a clear strategy on how you’re going to handle it if your child is being bullied.

1. Immediately give your child positive reinforcement

If your child confided in you that she is being bullied, praise her for being brave enough to talk about it. Let her know that many kids are too afraid or ashamed to tell anyone when they’re being bullied, so the fact that she opened up about it took a lot of courage.

Also, make it clear to your child that the bullying was not her fault. A bullied child will often feel a sense of shame. She may think she did something to bring about this kind of behavior. It’s important to emphasize to your child that bullies behave the way they do because there’s something wrong with them, not something wrong with the bullied child.

2. Listen closely and play detective

Ask your child to explain to you exactly what happened. You’ll undoubtedly be feeling emotional, but try your best not to interrupt your child or make any outbursts (“I can’t believe that horrible boy said that to you!”). It’s important for your child to feel that he’s being heard, and that you care about his feelings, so listening actively is critical.

Also, think of yourself as being on a fact-finding mission. You want to find out what, if anything, set the bully off, what exactly the bully did or said to your child, how your child responded, how the bully reacted to your child’s response, who else was there to witness the event, how they reacted, and so on. Read the full article →

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Kids who get bullied often don’t tell anyone out of shame or embarrassment at being victimized. If you’re a parent, this is troubling because even if you wanted to help your child, you may not realize there’s a problem.

So how do you know if your child is being bullied? What are the warning signs in victims of bullying?

Here are 11 warning signs of bullying to look out for, according to the Health Resources and Services Administration. Take note if your child…

1. Has personal belongings that are damaged or missing altogether.

If your child’s clothes are torn or books are damaged, or if your child can’t explain why he’s missing certain items, it’s possible that a bully is deliberately vandalizing or stealing his property.

2. Has physical injuries that can’t be explained.

If you notice cuts, bruises, or scratches on your child and she’s reluctant to explain where they came from, it’s possible that a bully is causing your child physical harm.

3. Is socially isolated and/or has few friends.

Bullies often target kids who are less popular. So if your child has few friends, this social isolation could put him at higher risk of being bullied. Also, bullied children often withdraw from friends they used to spend time with as a way to deal with the stress of being bullied.

4. Seems to fear everything associated with school.

If your child seems to be afraid of going to school, riding the school bus, walking to and from school, or participating in extra-curricular activities at school, it could be a sign that she’s being bullied by someone at school. Read the full article →

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Much of the conventional wisdom you’ve heard about the causes of bullying is wrong.

One of the common myths, for example, is that bullies victimize others because they’re loners who suffer from low self-esteem.

In reality, researchers have found that kids who bully others often have average or even above-average levels of self-esteem. Bullies often have good leadership skills, have an easy time making friends, and therefore have large friendship networks

In fact, the Health Resources and Services Administration reports that “children and youth who bully usually have at least a small group of friends who support or encourage their bullying.”

If bullying can’t be explained by low self-esteem, then why do people bully others? This article will take a look at some of the motivations that drive bullying behaviors so that we can attempt to answer the million-dollar question: Why do bullies bully?

1. Bullies have a strong need to be in control and exert their dominance over others

Children who bully others are often driven by the desire for power. They can be impulsive, hot-headed, and dominant, and they enjoy being able to subdue others.

“When children are involved in bullying as the aggressors,” explains Debra Pepler, Distinguished Research Professor of Psychology at York University, “they are experiencing regular lessons in how effective it can be to use their power aggressively to control and distress others.”

2. Bullies are rewarded for their bullying behaviors

It may seem counter-intuitive, but the fact is that children often receive positive reinforcement when they bully others, which only makes them continue their behavior.

The rewards could be material, such as when a bully forces his victim to give up lunch money. But the rewards could also be less tangible. Bullies often enjoy status and prestige because others fear them. They also command a lot of attention for their behavior. Read the full article →

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Parents and teachers who shrug off bullying as “kids being kids” are making a huge mistake.

Bullying doesn’t just have serious short-term effects on children. Many people who were bullied as kids experience devastating long-term effects from these experiences, well into their adulthood.

Short-Term Effects of Bullying

1. Kids are more likely to skip school, both if they are bullied and if they bully others.

Bullying can have a severe effect on the academic potential of children. Bullied kids are often so scared of facing their bullies that they skip school. One study found that on any given day, up to 160,000 students stay home from school because they are scared of being bullied.

But it’s not just the children who get bullied that are impacted. Kids who bully others are also much more likely to skip school and eventually, drop out of school entirely.

2. Bullied children are more likely to get sick.

Kids who are bullied are far more likely to report feeling physically sick, with symptoms such as coughing, sore throat, stuffy nose, headaches, and stomachaches. Studies have also found that the more frequently a child is picked on, the more severe these symptoms become.

Adrienne Nishina, Assistant Professor of Human Development at UC Davis, explains how bullying can lead to health problems: “Research with youth and adults shows that negative social interactions are experienced as particularly stressful. Stress causes the body to secrete the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol impairs immune system functioning, leaving the individual more vulnerable and less able to combat physical illnesses.” Read the full article →

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Exactly how big of a problem is bullying? And how does bullying differ for kids depending on gender, appearance, or ability?

We’re kicking off our series on how to prevent bullying by looking at the 5 essential bullying statistics every parent should know. Unless otherwise indicated, all statistics on bullying in this post are from the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center and the Health Resources and Services Administration.

1. Nearly 1 in 3 students is involved in bullying.

It’s estimated that nearly 30% — or 5.7 million children — are involved in bullying, as victims, perpetrators, or both. Studies have found that 15 to 25% of students in the U.S. are bullied, and 15 to 20% bully others.

2. While school violence as a whole is declining, bullying behaviors have increased by 5%.

Over the past few years, school violence has declined by 4%. That doesn’t mean that schools are safe havens, however. Bullying behavior increased by 5% between 1999 and 2001. Also, 86% of public schools in 2005-6 reported reported one or more incidents of violence or theft.

3. Kids who are obese, gay, or have disabilities are up to 63% more likely to be bullied than other children.

Studies have shown that obese children are 63% more likely to be targets of bullying. Gay youth are also significantly more likely to be bullied, with lesbians experiencing bullying at 3 times the rate of other youth.

Kids with learning disabilities, speech impediments, ADHD, and medical conditions that affect their appearance (such as cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, and spina bifida) are also at higher risk of being bullied. One study found that 83% of adults who stuttered when they were kids reported they had been teased or bullied for it.

4. Boys are more likely than girls to bully others.

According to studies, boys are more likely than girls to report that they bully others. Boys are also usually only bullied by other boys, while girls report being bullied by both boys and girls.

5. Boys and girls get bullied in different ways.

The most frequent type of bullying experienced by both boys and girls is verbal bullying. But that’s where the similarities end. Boys are far more likely to be hit, slapped, pushed, or be exposed to other types of physical bullying. Girls, on the other hand, are at higher risk for being socially excluded, having rumors spread about them, or being targeted with sexual comments.

Free Download: Special Report on Bullying Prevention

Fill out the form below to request a free PDF download of our special report:
“How to Prevent Bullying: A Guide for Parents and Educators”

This special report is an excellent resource, whether you’re a parent who’s concerned about your child getting bullied, or you’re a teacher looking ideas on how to prevent bullying at school.

By filling out the form above, you’ll also receive a complimentary subscription to Black Belt  Success, the email newsletter from Urban Martial Arts.

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Did you know that nearly 1 in 4 students in the United States experience some form of bullying?

It’s no wonder so many parents come to us at Urban Martial Arts with questions about how to prevent bullying.

We decided to do our part by putting together this 7-part series on how to prevent bullying.

We hope you’ll find this series to be a useful resource on how to prevent bullying. And if you have any ideas or suggestions you’d like to offer, please do so in the comments section. We’d love your input!

• Part 1: The 5 Essential Bullying Statistics Every Parent Should Know
• Part 2: Bullying Effects: The Devastating Short-Term and Long-Term Effects of Bullying
• Part 3: Why Do Bullies Bully? The Top 5 Reasons Why People Bully Others
• Part 4: Is Your Child Being Bullied? Check for These 11 Bullying Warning Signs
• Part 5: Bullying Help: 7 Steps You Should Take If Your Child Is Being Bullied
• Part 6: My Child Is a Bully! 5 Strategies to Handle a Child Who Bullies Others
• Part 7: How to Prevent Bullying Through Martial Arts

Free Download: Special Report on Bullying Prevention

Fill out the form below to request a free PDF download of our special report:
“How to Prevent Bullying: A Guide for Parents and Educators”

This special report is an excellent resource, whether you’re a parent who’s concerned about your child getting bullied, or you’re a teacher looking ideas on how to prevent bullying at school.

By filling out the form above, you’ll also receive a complimentary subscription to Black Belt  Success, the email newsletter from Urban Martial Arts.